


A Paradox Space Interspecies Dating Guide

by Elder_Cryptid



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alien Biology, Alien Culture, Alien Romance, Carapaces, Cherub Biology (Homestuck), Cherubim, Interspecies Relationship(s), Interspecies Romance, Sloppy Interspecies Makeouts, Troll Biology (Homestuck), Trolls, Weird Biology, Xenobiology, Xenosociology, don't want people going into anaphylactic shock or anything, headcanons, its kind of important to know if you're planning on a serious relationship, probably going to be slow to update, relationship guide, unnamed AU i guess, warning: i will be discussing the sexy times at some point
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-11-12 19:59:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18017471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elder_Cryptid/pseuds/Elder_Cryptid
Summary: If your session leader had any sense, they explicitly banned sloppy interspecies makeouts. If you're anything like the average SBurb player, you've completely ignored that rule - or you plan to, anyway.This text should hopefully serve as a useful guide for having those sloppy interspecies makeouts. Because trust me, its WAY more complicated than you'd think it would be.





	A Paradox Space Interspecies Dating Guide

Hi

So, the fact that you’re reading this probably means that you’re a SBurb (or SGrub, or whatever stupid name your version of ‘The Game’ has) player or that you’re someone from a universe where SBurb exists.  
If you’re reading this and have no idea what in the ever-loving fuck I’m talking about, well… I’ve got some bad news for you buddy: your planet is going to be destroyed at some point in the (possibly near) future in Paradox Space’s (or the multiverse, if that term makes this any easier to understand for you) fucked up version of universal reproduction, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.  
I’d offer you some advice, but there are plenty of guides about that and this ain’t one of them. Try searching whatever shady store or website you found this in for more stuff, that might give you the help you desire.

If you’re reading this and you do know what I'm talking about, then I can only assume you’ve either recently entered into an interspecies relationship or you plan on entering into one soon. If you aren’t doing one of those things, then I don’t know why you’re reading this, but thanks anyway I guess?  
Anyway, this book is written by a human, is written from a human perspective on interspecies relationships, and its intended audience are humans who want to know what the fuck they’re getting into. While I’ve tried to write it so that it’ll be helpful to a species entering a relationship with a human, or a non-human entering into a relationship with another non-human species, this book is ultimately geared towards humans.

I feel like I need to put up a disclaimer here or something, so here we go; while I am a Seer, I’m a Seer of Time not a Seer of Heart, Blood or Mind, so this book is not being written by someone who’s classpect gives them insight into relationships.   
I’m not using game powers to provide or back up my information, this is all just experience, observation and good old-fashioned data gathering. If this discredits my guide in your eyes, well, I’m not going to waste the energy it would take to type up a paragraph trying to change your mind.

Right, so this book is going to be divided into 6 sections, which will in turn be subdivided up into a couple different topics, themes, etc. These are:

> 1\. General Advice & Information
> 
> 2\. Trolls. I’m starting with them, because the grey-skinned, rainbow-blooded bug people with candy-corn horns seem to be the most numerous species in Paradox Space – Humans are the only ones who even come close in terms of numbers – hence it follows that they would be the ones people are most likely to get into an interspecies relationship with.
> 
> 3\. Carapaces. Because apparently the chess people are hot. They aren’t actually all that common in Paradox Space itself (as in, the “place” outside of The Medium) but pretty much everyone in Paradox Space will have met plenty of them due to most Paradox Space denizens being players, so it’s worth bringing this up at least.
> 
> 4\. Cherubs. They’re actually super rare and they’re also basically impossible to date, but I have direct experience with some, so I decided to give them their own chapter.
> 
> 5\. Humans. This part of the book is mostly dedicated towards non-humans who want some information on dating humans, but it will also include information on the differences one may encounter when dating a human from another universe and on some of the more… bizarre types of humans one may encounter in Paradox Space.
> 
> 6\. Miscellaneous. This is where I’ll put information on species that I don’t have enough information on, or aren’t “important” enough to warrant their own chapter.

Note: If this guide ended up getting dumped in your universe as an internet text, there’s a very good chance that Paradox Space’s screwy conception of time will result in it being slowly updated piece by piece, rather than coming out all at once. I apologize for that, but I can’t fix it – it should all go through eventually, though, rather than end halfway or something.


End file.
